Thursday, June 5, 2014
Any body with bipolar is probably familiar with the trait of indecisiveness that I have, I changed my mind about moving to Houston. First because my daughter was really hurt by the suggestion and second because the friend that I thought was going to help me move isn't going to be able to do so after all. I am feeling better now I am now taking cymbalta, and risperidone but the depakote is still too expensive even with the new insurance I bought. But like I said feeling better. Till next post.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Finally got my meds wednesday. I went to a free clinic and they did not have depakote or rispiredone so they gave me seroquelxr and stavzor. They had to ask another clinic for a sample of the cymbalta since the manufacturer is no longer providing free samples.
Wednesday night I slept for 16 hours straight! Woke up at 4pm thursday afternoon. I feel a little better. At least the chills and sweats are gone. But i'm still feeling anxious and irritable. I need to talk to someone face to face about what is going on with me and my daughter but I don't have anyone I can trust here in Orlando and talking over the phone is just not the same although it helps.
The bottom line i think is my daughter is tired of dealing with my mood swings and attitudes. Everything was going smoothly until I stopped taking my medications and now there seems to have been damage beyond repair. I had told her I would leave to go back to Houston so that the situation would not become unbereable but I think its too late.
Additionally in September my daughter's boyfriend will be moving in with her and they are planning in getting married next year. She has admitted that she would rather have me living separately so she can have a good marriage relationship.
So I called a friend in Houston and asked him to start looking for an apartment so I can move in with him.He is a good friend and we had already talked about it a few weeks ago, so I just called him to confirm. I will be missing my family a lot but I think it's in the best interest of everyone involved.
Wednesday night I slept for 16 hours straight! Woke up at 4pm thursday afternoon. I feel a little better. At least the chills and sweats are gone. But i'm still feeling anxious and irritable. I need to talk to someone face to face about what is going on with me and my daughter but I don't have anyone I can trust here in Orlando and talking over the phone is just not the same although it helps.
The bottom line i think is my daughter is tired of dealing with my mood swings and attitudes. Everything was going smoothly until I stopped taking my medications and now there seems to have been damage beyond repair. I had told her I would leave to go back to Houston so that the situation would not become unbereable but I think its too late.
Additionally in September my daughter's boyfriend will be moving in with her and they are planning in getting married next year. She has admitted that she would rather have me living separately so she can have a good marriage relationship.
So I called a friend in Houston and asked him to start looking for an apartment so I can move in with him.He is a good friend and we had already talked about it a few weeks ago, so I just called him to confirm. I will be missing my family a lot but I think it's in the best interest of everyone involved.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Hello, as promised this is my third blog. In this one I will be sharing my thoughts on bipolar disorder. At least that's what I was diagnosed in 2009, but it could just as easily be called "alcoholic ups and downs" and "breast cancer lows". lol.
In retrospective I've had this disease since childhood. But back then and in specially in Mexico were I was born to this date, mental illness isn't something that is discussed much less diagnosed. Before I was diagnosed in 2009 I used to think I was ADD. Some of the symptoms matched. But thinking back to my childhood I was also beset with mood swings and crying spells. Actually, that is how is being all my life until I started medication.
Back in the 1980's I was an active drinker and cocaine user. I now know that I was probably self-medicating the bipolar disorder. I was first put on a combination of Prozac. Depakote ER and Rispiridone since last year I asked my doctor to switch from Prozac to Cymbalta since the Prozac was interacting with my cancer drug. Since I've been in these drugs I have had an amazing curbing of the mood swings. My daughter loves what they do to me.
Currently I've been 3 weeks without medication, for reasons that I will explain shortly, and the result is I am fast deteriorating. I cry all the time, have obsessive thoughts and desperation is setting in. The problem? I have no health insurance. I was given permanent disability by the government in November of last year but can't get Medicare until I've been disabled for 2 years. I don't qualify for Medicaid because I make "too much" money from the disability (1000 a month ) and because the State where I live did not extend Medicaid under the new health law. According to the healthcare.gov I'm not eligible for the tax credit because I don't make "enough" money. It's enough to make anyone go crazy (ier).
The worst thing is the situation is starting to impact my relationship with my daughter. I have looked for local resources but the one clinic that could help me keeps cancelling the appointments. I now have one scheduled for next week May 15th. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm not sleeping well. I have pain.
In retrospective I've had this disease since childhood. But back then and in specially in Mexico were I was born to this date, mental illness isn't something that is discussed much less diagnosed. Before I was diagnosed in 2009 I used to think I was ADD. Some of the symptoms matched. But thinking back to my childhood I was also beset with mood swings and crying spells. Actually, that is how is being all my life until I started medication.
Back in the 1980's I was an active drinker and cocaine user. I now know that I was probably self-medicating the bipolar disorder. I was first put on a combination of Prozac. Depakote ER and Rispiridone since last year I asked my doctor to switch from Prozac to Cymbalta since the Prozac was interacting with my cancer drug. Since I've been in these drugs I have had an amazing curbing of the mood swings. My daughter loves what they do to me.
Currently I've been 3 weeks without medication, for reasons that I will explain shortly, and the result is I am fast deteriorating. I cry all the time, have obsessive thoughts and desperation is setting in. The problem? I have no health insurance. I was given permanent disability by the government in November of last year but can't get Medicare until I've been disabled for 2 years. I don't qualify for Medicaid because I make "too much" money from the disability (1000 a month ) and because the State where I live did not extend Medicaid under the new health law. According to the healthcare.gov I'm not eligible for the tax credit because I don't make "enough" money. It's enough to make anyone go crazy (ier).
The worst thing is the situation is starting to impact my relationship with my daughter. I have looked for local resources but the one clinic that could help me keeps cancelling the appointments. I now have one scheduled for next week May 15th. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm not sleeping well. I have pain.
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