Hello, as promised this is my third blog. In this one I will be sharing my thoughts on bipolar disorder. At least that's what I was diagnosed in 2009, but it could just as easily be called "alcoholic ups and downs" and "breast cancer lows". lol.

In retrospective I've had this disease since childhood. But back then and in specially in Mexico were I was born to this date, mental illness isn't something that is discussed much less diagnosed. Before I was diagnosed in 2009 I used to think I was ADD. Some of the symptoms matched. But thinking back to my childhood I was also beset with mood swings and crying spells. Actually, that is how is being all my life until I started medication.

Back in the 1980's I was an active drinker and cocaine user. I now know that I was probably self-medicating the bipolar disorder. I was first put on a combination of Prozac. Depakote ER and Rispiridone since last year I asked my doctor to switch from Prozac to Cymbalta since the Prozac was interacting with my cancer drug. Since I've been in these drugs I have had an amazing curbing of the mood swings. My daughter loves what they do to me.

Currently I've been 3 weeks without medication, for reasons that I will explain shortly, and the result is I am fast deteriorating. I cry all the time, have obsessive thoughts and desperation is setting in. The problem? I have no health insurance. I was given permanent disability by the government in November of last year but can't get Medicare until I've been disabled for 2 years. I don't qualify for Medicaid because I make "too much" money from the disability (1000 a month ) and because the State where I live did not extend Medicaid under the new health law. According to the healthcare.gov I'm not eligible for the tax credit because I don't make "enough" money. It's enough to make anyone go crazy (ier).

The worst thing is the situation is starting to impact my relationship with my daughter. I have looked for local resources but the one clinic that could help me keeps cancelling the appointments. I now have one scheduled for next week May 15th. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm not sleeping well. I have pain.